The Empty Nest Begins

Originally posted May by Kathy, 12, 2006

The Empty Nests Begins…
Reflections of a Mothers’ Heart


This entry is taken from my journaling in January, after saying goodbye to my second daughter. We put Kari on a plane for the US in November, and sent Kristi on her way to England in January. We are not empty nesters yet, we still have the blessing of our son Kenny who is an utter delight to us, but losing both girls, during this year of transition, really gets one reflective. I got to thinking that a lot of you out there go through similar experiences, or may just be just starting out on this ride called parenthood, and decided to share a few portions of my journaling with you, breathing a prayer that God’s Spirit uses it in your life for whatever encouragement you may need.

Reflections from a Mother’s Heart

Today I sent my second daughter off into the world on her own. I realize that in less than 5 months time I have said goodbye to my family, friends, my mom, my home and country, all which is familiar and comfortable, my swing in the front yard, walks around Lake Phalen, and the anticipation of Kenny finishing elementary school at Edgerton. And now I've said goodbye to both of my daughters. It gets me pretty reflective, thinking of the last 22 years. It was another sad parting on Sunday at the airport, and yet a proud parting. I am proud of Kristi as she follows her hearts’ dream of the last year, to go off on a 6 month stint with YWAM. I’m proud of Kari as she is back home now, pursuing her goals of working and finishing school.

I look to the past with gratefulness. I am so grateful that God granted me daughters. How else can a mom extend her own "girlhood"? Through the years I've enjoyed painting nails, shopping, trips to the hairdresser for up-doos, and going out for lunches together. I've been a confidant, and at times the enemy. I've enjoyed many a movie night in pj's and robes with a chic flick. There have been little notes passed, phone calls when only “mom” will do. There were tea parties and make-overs. I remember with joy the little game I played when it was time to make the bed and 2 little girls wanted to hide under the covers. We played “there’s a lump in the bed”. I would playfully try to make the bed with them in it, finally having to push the “lump” out of the bed and straighten the bedspread.

I smile when I think of the knowing glance that passes between mother and daughter at times. No one else notices, but that glance says a million words. That glance can empathize with the other or see the light bulb go off in the others’ mind triggering some funny memory.

It seems only yesterday that I was changing diapers, making play dough, teaching them how to ride a bike, arranging sleepovers, being a taxi driver, watching them take off on their first solo drives after getting their drivers’ licenses, buying prom dresses, and visiting colleges.

I’m glad I treasured the time. I’m glad I took the time. I’m thankful for the gift of being home with them while they were little. I don’t regret one minute that was chosen to spend with them instead of the myriads of other things clambering for my time and attention. I’m thankful for the relationship we have. I’m thankful that we want to see each other, and that they want to talk on the phone with me. I’m thankful for email, I’m thankful that they have grown to be capable, strong young women.

I’ve watched our relationship change over the years, from mother/child, to mother/teen, and now to mother/adult. I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’m working on it. I’ve been able to share my heart and soul with each of them, and allow them both to speak into my life, each in their own unique way. I am learning new ways of speaking into their lives now that they are adults, and hopefully they will continue to have grace with me as I figure that out.

Now that the girls are gone the house is quieter. I miss the giggles of the girls. But, its also cleaner, I don’t have to share my makeup and I always know where my mousse and comb are. I can use the washer and dryer whenever I want without moving someone else’s clothes out. I have 2 guest rooms (no – they will always be Kari and Kristi’s rooms) but I have 2 available rooms for guests.

Those two girls got me here, to the Netherlands. If it weren’t for their challenge “you guys will never do it” who knows? Well, I proved them wrong, but now here I am – and off they are. What’s up with that?

I think I am one lucky mom. Even after watching my first two leave the nest, I still have lots of years ahead to enjoy raising a boy! Now I watch Hidalgo and Lord of the Rings instead of Anne of Green Gables and Step mom. More fun to come…